A letter to my daughter on her 18th birthday
My dear precious girl,
I remember your birth as it happened only hours ago. How time flies. Today you become a legal adult. You can vote, sign contracts, establish credit, and buy a car. Yet to me, you’ll always be the shy little girl holding my hand and asking for my help. The ability to freeze time is a gift God gives Dads.
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Our family endured generations without pink bows or dresses. Everyone, including the females, joked about not knowing how to handle a little girl. Yet your arrival began an era we longed for.
Somewhere a book exists that says every proper southern girl requires a double name. On a warm summer Sunday with a dozen options written on a small church envelope, your name miraculously appeared. Some have attempted to shorten your lovely given name or choose one over the other. It’s your name, and only you can dictate what others call you.
Like most females, you arrived on your own terms. Within months you transformed from a little being wrapped in a pink blanket to wearing pink bows in your brown curls. For me, it signaled time would move too quickly. Everything from seeing you hold your blanket so tightly to sitting in your kitchen highchair to bouncing you around on my shoulders is forever chiseled in my memory. Little did I know those memories would be too few.
Daddy’s talk about having a son to carry their name forward. Little girls bring an entirely new dimension to fatherhood. Every protective male instinct comes forward when a daughter arrives.
A Dad’s Unconditional Love
When you were young I attended a men’s bible study where a pastor talked about authentic manhood. Rightfully so, his remarks dedicated more time to the relationship between dads and daughters.
“Men, you must show unconditional love to a daughter. If you don’t, I will guarantee they will seek that love from someone who isn’t capable or interested in loving her as you do.” Needless to say, his remarks left a lasting impression on my heart.
From that day forward, I committed to applying his words of wisdom. I taught you the answers to the question:
“What three things do you know today?” You’ve repeated the response you learned thousands of times:
God Loves Me
You Love Me
And You’re Proud of Me
I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life. Fortunately, I didn’t drop the ball on this one, and I am so very proud of you.
For the most part, we’ve enjoyed a blessed life. However, life hasn’t always been easy. When you were only six, your secure world shattered like a fragile vase. Through the confusion and turmoil generated by adults, you endured and eventually prospered.
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In some ways, circumstances forced you to grow up too quickly, and I wish I could rewind that part. I am so very grateful you extended unconditional forgiveness, even where others failed to realize they did anything wrong. Now I know why God gave you such a huge heart.
For the first decade and a half, Dads covet the responsibility of protecting their little angels. Then suddenly, you become a teenager and slip through the protective bubble. You learn to venture out on your own. Your vulnerability helps you mature. That same vulnerability leaves you susceptible to others who don’t have your best interest at heart.
Boys are rough and tumble. Little girls are more fragile. As a Dad, not being able to protect a daughter is one of our greatest fears. When I witnessed your first heart break, I felt the pain in my heart too. I wanted to absorb the pain and spare you the agony of tears and the lingering pain we feel in our soul. I wish your first heart break is all you will ever know, but experience paints a difference picture. You’ll face heart breaks on many levels. Some are trivial, others more severe. Always know that when you hurt, I hurt. Even when I’m far away.
A Dad’s Advice to His Daughter
Daughters should understand that their dads are willing to fight for them and that no cost is too great. Sometimes it’s difficult for a child to comprehend why adult battles are waged. All I knew is that you might understand the process at some point later in your life and that I was and still am willing to lay my life aside for yours.
Your own life experiences have taught you that life isn’t fair. Sometimes the path forward is paved with gold. Other times obstacles block the road. Remember that God uses obstacles in the same manner as blessings. The importance is learning to recognize how and when He uses both. I prayer the advice below blesses you and keeps you strong.
Life Lessons For My Daughter:
- Treat everyone fairly. Many times it’s hard, especially when others don’t extend the same courtesy.
- Names are important. Pay attention to a person’s name when you meet them and repeat their name often in conversation.
- Boys are mean, but girls can be downright nasty. Experience has already taught you this lesson. Remember that others don’t have your best interest at heart outside of those who genuinely love you.
- True friends can come in all colors, shapes, and sizes, and you’ll encounter thousands over an average lifespan. Most will only be acquaintances. Friends are few and far between, so be selective.
- Always dress at least a half-step better than those around you. Make sure the clothes you wear fit properly. Your wardrobe doesn’t need to be expensive but wear everything like it cost a million dollars.
- Manners and etiquette never go out of style. Why? Because your grandmother said so. Anyone that says otherwise is either ignorant or trying to pull you down to their level.
- Speaking of levels, never wrestle with a pig. You’ll only get dirty, and the pig will enjoy the encounter.
- Find your life’s passion and pursue it with all your heart. Don’t worry about how much money you acquire while pursuing this passion. Happiness is found in the former, not the latter.
- Save everything you can. Rainy days always come and are more manageable when worry is removed.
My daughter, I love you very much. I am honored to be your Father, yet what I value most is being your Daddy. No matter what, I love you UNCONDITIONALLY, and I am ALWAYS here for you.
I Love You,
Dad