Times are shifting, as the old saying reminds us. Many etiquette rules that once seemed set in stone have faded away, and honestly, that’s often for the best. Some traditions just don’t fit modern life. But one thing remains timeless: the essential banquet manners every guy should know. Gentlemen, banquet manners and etiquette never go out of style. Master the basics and use them with confidence.
Basic Banquet Etiquette
Most banquets, including business, civic, political, or social, follow a typical format. There’s usually a social or cocktail hour, followed by the meal, and maybe a program or awards presentation. I’m sure you’ve attended numerous events that follow this formula.
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Let’s start with some good news: these events are straightforward, and rarely require any complicated etiquette. Still, I’m always surprised by how many people overlook the basics.
I count myself lucky to have grown up in a home where manners were part of daily life. My kids and nephews still laugh about the epic two-hour VHS session their grandmother made them endure, all about proper etiquette. Now, they’re grateful for those lessons that stuck with them. If you didn’t have that kind of upbringing, don’t worry—I’m not judging. It’s never too late to pick up a few etiquette essentials, so let’s dive into some practical tips.
Recently I attended a VIP dinner in Franklin, TN. The event, scheduled from 5-8 p.m., wasn’t a formal affair. The program honored donors who contributed to a church’s building fund, and invitees could tour the completed buildings.
Cocktail Or Social Hour
Most banquets kick off with a social hour. Drinks are usually available, whether or not there’s alcohol involved. Here’s a simple trick: use a small cocktail napkin under any cold or iced glass to keep your hand dry. And always hold your drink in your left hand—your right will be ready for a confident, dry handshake.
If wine or specialty drinks are served in a stemmed glass, hold the glass by the stem, even if you are drinking red wine or beverages served at room temperature.
Many times the check-in table has adhesive name tags, either preprinted or blank. Always place a name tag on your right side. This makes it easier for others to see your name during greeting and especially when shaking hands.
Introducing Yourself or Others
Common sense prevails here. “Hello, I’m Paul Stanley, it’s a pleasure to see you.” I learned a valuable lesson early in my business life. Always avoid saying, “Nice to meet you.” If for some reason you have previously met someone and don’t recall when, you’ll save yourself from the embarrassment of them saying, “Oh, we met last month (or anytime previous time).” This rule obviously doesn’t apply if you know someone well, but trust me, it will prove invaluable if you aren’t certain.
Introducing yourself and others at social events.
When introducing others, start by recognizing the senior or elder person first, and use a title if they have one. For example, “Dr. Smith, I would like you to meet Dan Jones.” If you know the person you are introducing someone to in an informal setting, it’s perfectly acceptable to say, “John, this is my friend, Judy Smith.” Another example is, “John, this is my wife, Sherri.” Last names aren’t necessary if someone shares yours.
If you’re introducing someone to a small group and don’t know everyone, say, “Everyone, I would like you to meet Judy Jones, my associate at ABC Company.” Others will then introduce themselves. These situations are easier when everyone is wearing nametags.
We are all curious about who people are, including their occupations. An excellent way to begin a conversation with someone you don’t know may start like this:
“Hi, I’m Paul Stanley. I’m an Account Executive with Smith and Jones.”
“Hello, Paul, I’m Brent Jones. It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m a CPA in the audit division at Price, Waterhouse, Cooper.” Then the conversation begins.
Finding Your Table
The main part of the evening was a dinner and program for about 250 guests. The catering company served three courses. Each eight-person table had a preset dessert. Staff served the salad and main course. The place settings were basic.
- One salad fork
- One dinner fork
- One knife
- One spoon
- One water glass
- One charger (usually a large plate for decoration and to catch spills)
- One cloth dinner napkin draped over the charger for aesthetic purposes
One thing really stood out to me that evening: at least six guys never even touched their napkins. Not once! They had to move them just so the servers could set down the salad.
Again, I’m not here to judge anyone who didn’t grow up with formal holiday meals. Thankfully, learning new skills is easier than ever with YouTube and articles like this. At this event, there were no finger foods or sandwiches—just dishes you could eat with a fork or spoon. And of course, napkins are there for a reason: to keep your hands and mouth tidy during the meal.
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After locating your table, wait until everyone is present before taking your seat. That’s not always possible since people often linger in conversation or arrive at different times.
Once you take your seat, simply place your napkin in your lap. It’s an easy move, gentlemen, but it makes all the difference.
Napkins might be tucked under the forks on the left or set in the middle of your place setting. Upscale restaurants may do things differently, and that’s fine. No matter where you find your napkin, just put it in your lap. Honestly, as long as it covers a leg or two, you’re doing it right.
Whenever possible, wait to sit until all the ladies at your table are seated. If a woman arrives after you’re already sitting, stand up until she takes her seat. If she’s next to you, offer a hand with her chair. And when a lady leaves the table, stand as a sign of respect. These traditions may seem old-fashioned, but trust me, the women at your table will notice, and appreciate your courtesy.
Flatware Placement
Gentlemen, the best part is that this isn’t a white-tie dinner at Downton Abbey. Things might get fancier there, but the basics remain: always work your way in with the utensils.
Understanding which piece of flatware (knives, forks, spoons) to use is easy. In this case, the small salad fork is always on the left side and outside of the larger dinner fork. Even if you don’t eat the salad or first course, always place the salad fork on top of the salad to make it easier for the servers to clear the plates. And please don’t use the big fork to eat your salad. For this event, servers removed the charger and salad plate at the same time to make room for the main course.
At some banquets, especially formal ones like weddings, you might find a whole lineup of glassware at your place. Don’t panic. Start with the water glass, then move to tea or wine glasses as needed.
When you’re done with your salad or main course, place your fork tines-down with the handle pointing to 4 o’clock. This is the universal signal to your server that you’re finished.
(Note: there are several guidelines on how to place your fork and knife when finished, but the manner I recommend is easy to remember.)
Napkin Placement When Leaving the Table
If you need to step away from the table, leave your napkin on your chair. This tells the staff you’ll be back. Never put a used napkin on the table. No one wants to see that.
When the event wraps up and it’s time to leave, place your napkin on the table to the left of your plate. That’s the signal you’re done and won’t be coming back.
Understanding Glassware Basics
When place settings have multiple glasses it can be a bit confusing. At this banquet, and since alcohol was not served, the table only had a single water glass. A self-service beverage station featuring tea and coffee was available for guests wanting those drinks.
However, some banquets, especially more formal ones, including weddings, have multiple pieces of glassware at each seat. Don’t freak out when you see several glasses. Water glasses are first, followed by tea or stemmed wine glasses.
If you spot more than one wine glass, remember: the smaller one is for white wine, the larger for red. Usually, you’ll just have one. And as mentioned before, always hold stemmed glasses by the stem.
Table Etiquette
Sometimes you’ll end up at a table full of strangers. Break the ice by introducing yourself to the people on either side. It’s a simple way to spark conversation and make the evening more enjoyable.
It’s polite to wait until everyone at your table has their food before you start eating. If your meal is delayed and others are served first, encourage them to begin so no one has to wait.
For this article, I won’t go into how to hold your fork or knife. When cutting meat, whether it’s steak, chicken, or fish, I hold the fork in my left hand and the knife in my dominant hand (I’m right-handed). After cutting, I place the knife on the top right side of my plate with the shape side facing inward, then eat with my dominant hand. Some, especially our European friends, will keep the fork in their left hand, which is perfectly acceptable. The only rule I’ll point out here is: please know how to hold your fork.
After the main course, servers keep an eye out to see when you’re finished so they can clear your plate. They usually serve from your left and clear from your right, though sometimes they’ll switch it up if things get busy. Clearing after each course keeps your place setting tidy.
Finishing Touches
Often, a program or performance will start during or after dessert. Servers might come by to refill drinks or offer coffee. Just use your best judgment, and you’ll handle it with ease.
If you’re ever unsure what to do, like which utensil to use, watch someone who seems to know the ropes and follow their lead. Above all, enjoy yourself and help others feel welcome and valued.